Tuesday 15 November 2011

THE IDOL CALLED FASHION

There is almost no subject as controversial to today’s young believers as the issue of fashion. What to wear and what not to wear; how to wear and how not to wear…
I will not even begin to act like I am immune to these problems. Anyone who knows me knows I LOOOVEEE looking good. I mean, I definitely won’t be repping the King of Glory who is Clothed in Wondrous Splendor if I look drab and filthy like something the cat dragged in.
Now the issue is this, we are called to live in this world, but to not be OF the world. Tough one, huh? You know, the devil is the prince of this earth and no matter how we try to contend it; his ways are the acceptable norm on this earth. So, if you are looking to “belong”, you will most likely be conforming to worldly standards.
Today, I’m going to focus on us ladies (yup), but guys, y’all can drop in and glean a little from our bounty. Let’s look at what the Bible says about dressing for women. The most common passage referenced in issues like this is 1 Tim 2:9… ”In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing” (NKJV)
You know, despite all the controversy surrounding the interpretation of Scripture in the Modern-day versions, this is one scripture on which they all agree.
Check this out, the NLT version says “And I want women to be modest in their appearance.* They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes…”
The NIV version reads “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes…”
The NASB version tells us Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, *modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments…”
If we will be honest with ourselves, the guideline for how women should dress is laid out plainly. Women should dress modestly, decently, appropriately, discreetly, with propriety and should not walk around like a mobile cash depot.
My issue here is not about the guidelines on how to dress, we all know that. My issue is with how to apply it practically.
Yup! We all know we should dress modestly and discreetly and without drawing attention to our bodies, yada yada yada… Question is, how do I do this?
There is an underlying secret to fulfilling this. When a lady has her heart fixed on God, He becomes the Lover of her soul. She wants to please Him all the time and in every sphere of her life.
Now, let’s be “secular’ for a second here. Stay with me people… Imagine you are in a relationship with the most awesome guy ever! Okay, if you can’t picture that, you remember that secret 5-page long list of the qualities you want your husband to possess (yes, don’t shake your head…we know you have it). Great, now imagine meeting a guy who scores a 10/10 on every single point. Whew!!! Good Lord, that’s a whole lot of awesomeness going on there, right? Now, let’s turn the heat up a little. Imagine he's boinkers about you. I mean, he's dead crazy about you and loves you with a love that knocks your socks off. I am so sure we (me inclusive) will ALWAYS want to please Mr. Oh-So-Awesome. If he says not to do something (bearing in mind he's going to ask perfectly), we will almost definitely stop doing that thing.
Back to earth, people. Our Mr. Oh-So-Awesome is GOD. He is the Perfect and Ultimate Lover of our souls. But we fail to realize that and so we treat Him like every other guy. If God really is first in our lives, our love for fashion will not override his instructions to us, will it?
He says to dress decently, appropriately and all. Do we do that? Or do we say “Well, I love fashion soooo much, I could care less what God thinks”? A lot of us would never agree to that, but that’s exactly what our actions say. We place fashion above God. We turn fashion into our idol.
So many Christians today are slaves to the IDOL called FASHION. We sacrifice our relationship with God on the altar of looking good.
I can already hear the protests and self-righteous comments of “Nah, not me.” Well, let’s conduct a small test to see if you really are not a slave to Fashion.
The issue of wearing Trousers. Wait!!! Don’t lynch me yet…! I am not here to advocate or condemn the morality or otherwise of wearing trousers as a lady. To me, the correctness of it all lies in the following questions;
-          Why do you wear trousers? Is it a matter of comfort or necessity or because you want to be sexy? Because you want to show off your figure or because you want to attract attention from men?
-          Is it modest? Do you wear pants so tight a plastic mold of your feminine parts can be made just by looking at them? Or are they so tight you can barely walk freely? Do people see your veins and muscle structure and every dimple in your anatomy just by looking at the trousers you have on?
-          Is it appropriate? You know a brother-in-Christ has issues with lust and then you have a meeting with him and that’s the day you remember to put on a pair of tight-fitting, figure-hugging pair of pants that announces your oh-so-magnificent figure from a mile away.
Now, if you answered all these questions correctly and you sincerely wear trousers with a pure heart and a pure motive, there’s still one last test.
WOULD YOU GIVE UP TROUSERS IF GOD ASKED YOU TO JUST BECAUSE…?
If God said, “My daughter, I know your wearing of trousers is done in a way that pleases me, but I just want you to stop wearing them for absolutely no reason”; what will your reaction be? How hard will it be for you to stop? How much will you have to struggle with choosing between your comfort and obedience to God, however uncomfortable it might be.
Same thing goes for jewelry, hair-do and make-up. Is there anything wrong with wearing jewelry? NO! Is there any sin associated with making your hair very neatly and exquisitely? NOPE!! Does the wearing of make-up symbolize a deviation from the straight and narrow? Definitely NOT!!!
So what exactly is your point, Darhmie?! My point is this; Fashion is your idol if you cannot at the drop of a hat go out bare-faced without any make-up on. There is a problem if it’s a taboo for you to leave your natural hair open for a week without sewing, attaching or gluing something on or into it. And if you have ever had to return to your house because you forgot to put earring on or worse still, you stopped at a boutique or road-side stall to buy jewelry because you forgot yours at home, then there is indeed an issue that needs tackling.
And before you start with your barrage of excuses, let me use myself as an example. On the issue of natural hair…lets just say I went off to play when God was distributing hair. It’s not like I have alopecia or something that terrifying but my natural hair has PLENTY of room for improvement, literally…LOL! I struggled with self-esteem issues about my hair all my life until like 6months ago. I just got tired of having to constantly be either tying scarves when (God-forbid) I hadn’t sewn, glued or attached something to my head. I asked myself why I couldn’t just let it be. One day, I woke up, went to the salon and chopped off the little hair that I had on my head. Monday morning, I went to work bare-headed for the first time ever since secondary school – almost 14years. It was scary but it was also liberating. Now, 6 months later, do I still fix weave-ons and all that? Of course, yes I do. But I don’t feel naked if I don’t have something on my head. My hair is still short and all but now I rock it au naturelle like no man’s business.
As per trousers, make-up and jewelry, I was brought up in Deeper Life, so I was well into my teens and almost done with University before I started wearing them. Now, I know that more often than not, people like me often abuse the new-found freedom and over-do things. I will admit I went a bit (okayyy, maybe more than a bit) overboard with make-up especially. But as I grew in Christ and questioned the rightness or not of wearing make-up, jewelry and trousers, I asked an older Sister-in-Christ who of her volition decided to never use make-up, jewelry, artificial hair or wear trousers . She told me something profound; she said she had just started getting really serious about her looks and as she was preparing to go out one day, God asked her how much she loved Him. She answered immediately and said “With all my heart, Lord.” God then asked her if He meant more to her than fashion and looking good, she said she was stunned and replied ‘Yes’. God then told her that He felt she was starting to pay too much attention to her looks and less time on her soul and that He missed the communion they used to have. My big Sis-In-Christ said she broke down as she realized that it wasn’t as if God didn’t want her to look good, all He wanted was all of her attention and fashion was beginning to take her away from Him. She decided to forgo all of that as a constant reminder to herself that God must always remain Numero Uno in her life.
Now, I am not saying we all need to go that drastic and cut everything out. But if God asks for us to do that, is it too much for Him to ask? I mean, He gave up His only Begotten Son for us? He guides us, protects us, loves us soooo unconditionally and more often than not, we throw His love back in His face whenever we decide to go against His directives. Yet, His Love has no end, knows no bounds. How come wearing jewelry or painting up our face is more important than spending time in His presence early in the morning? How come if we are not wearing the latest outfit to church, we automatically fail to enjoy the service?
Sisters and Brothers, I am such an advocate of looking good but at what cost? Let’s make it a point to consciously forgo these fashion “essentials” or “staples” once in a while. A suggestion; go on a “make-up fast” or a “trouser fast” for a period of time. The objective: we are telling God loud and clear that He is the most important part of our life and no matter how non-conformist it makes us look, there is nothing we cannot give up for Him.
Love you all. Enjoy your God-given freedom. Don’t let fashion enslave you….


Friday 23 September 2011

NEVER EASY

One of my Facebook friends while commenting on a post in a Christian Women's group made this profound statement "...Holiness was never promised to be easy...only worth it".
Y'all don't even want to know what i did after reading it... Well, to be honest, more like what i wanted to do. It was like someone lit a firework in my soul, I felt like jumping outta my seat, running and screaming at the top of my voice "YES! FINALLY! Someone said it right!"
Now, i am sure some eyebrows are already being raised and some people are already thinking...huhhh, whats so exciting about that quote? Well, that's the reason for this blog and I am sure when i am done, you will be able to relate to my errr.... excitement.
Holiness in this context is living according to the commandments and guidelines outlined in the Bible. It means making a conscious decision to choose to live in a pure way, regardless of what is the norm or what our flesh desires.
For us to understand clearly, lets look at SEX. Yes, S-E-X!!! That three letter word that seems to be ruling everything around us in this generation. Now, sex is a perfectly normal expression of the deepest connection that can exist between a Man and a Woman in a marriage (no apologies to the gay community...this chic thinks homosexuality is an abominable perversion). Sex is touted and sold to us in every form and every means possible. It is used in advertisements for cars, kitchen appliances and even stuff like lawn mowers, office equipment and food! I mean, i cannot seem to see the connection between sexiness and a lawn mower... and i am so sure i am not the only one wondering why the individual used in advertising a Blender has to be oh-so-sinfully sexy with ripped abs and all that or with a figure that would make an hourglass pale in comparison. Not to talk of the lady on that pack of cereal looking errr.... delicious...hahhhaaaa...
Now don't even get me started on the songs that the 'great' artistes of this generation continually assault us with and the soft-porn that they call music videos.
With all this continual barrage of sex and sexual innuendos, one can almost be excused for walking around in a constant state of arousal. I mean...we've got all these hormones raging inside of us like liquid oxygen and then there's this lighter called sexual innuendo following us around. Sure, there is bound to be some form of errr....explosion pretty soon or is there...?
Lets look at what the Bible says about sex:
There is no Hebrew or Greek word used in the Bible that precisely refers to sex before marriage. The Bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality, but is sex before marriage considered sexually immoral? According to 1 Corinthians 7:2, “yes” is the clear answer: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” In this verse, Paul states that marriage is the “cure” for sexual immorality. First Corinthians 7:2 is essentially saying that, because people cannot control themselves and so many are having immoral sex outside of marriage, people should get married. Then they can fulfill their passions in a moral way.
What we are surrounded with in this generation is the idea of casual, recreational sex. Musicians sing of having sex just because the other party looks good. Some feminists measure a woman's level of enlightenment, independence and self-sufficiency by how sexually liberated she is.  In schools, a guy's popularity depends on how many girls can fall for his charms and into his bed. Nobody thinks of the implications of all these.
There is, in truth, no such thing as “casual” sex, because of the depth of intimacy involved in the sexual relationship. Lets take a look at this example. If we take a sticky note and attach it to a piece of paper, it will stick. If we remove it, it will leave behind a small amount of residue; the longer it remains, the more residue is left. If we take that note and stick it to several places repeatedly, it will leave residue everywhere we stick it, and it will eventually lose its ability to adhere to anything. This is what happens to us when we engage in “casual” sex. Each time we leave a sexual relationship, we leave a part of ourselves behind. The longer the relationship has gone on, the more we leave behind, and the more we lose of ourselves. As we go from partner to partner, we continue to lose a tiny bit of ourselves each time, and eventually we may lose our ability to form a lasting sexual relationship at all. Any sexual relationship is so strong and so intimate that we cannot enter into it casually, no matter how easy it might seem.
Sex within marriage is pleasurable, and God designed it that way. God wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity within the confines of marriage. Song of Solomon and several other Bible passages (such as Proverbs 5:19) clearly describe the pleasure of sex.
So, the BIG QUESTION...how does one keep her legs closed or his pants zipped in this generation, seeing how easy it is to just let go and get down with the flow of the day?
The answer is a one-letter word "FLEE"!!! Yup, you heard right...FLEEEEEE!!!! You know the Bible has an answer for every question and this one is no exception. In 2Tim 2:22, the Bible tells us to "Flee also youthful lusts..." The New Living Translation says " Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts..." The New International Version says "Flee the evil desires of youth..."
I don't think i have anything to add to that. Simple doesn't get more simple. Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts... Watching Nicki Minaj's videos gives u a bulge in your pants, then you've gotta stop watching them videos, dear brother. Sweet sister, if listening to Jeremih or Trey Songz makes you think of silk sheets and entwined limbs, stop listening to them. If seeing a movie with Idris Elba in it makes you salivate like a rabid dog, sister tear your eyes away from that screen. And I've got to admit, that last part about Idris Elba was for me...uuuhmmm...a fine black brother with a smoooth English accent just takes the bolts outta my knee joints....hahahaaaa (whew)....I NEED TO FLEEE!!!!! Lord, Help Your Daughter....!
On a more serious note though, did you realise that the Bible didn't say "Resist", the Bible says "Flee". Let me break that down for you. You see, what the Bible is telling us in essence is that we shouldn't get to the point where we will need to resist. Once there's an inkling of something that could lead to sexual immorality, don't even wait to explore what the outcome may be, just run! Better to be safe than sorry.
Let me paint a picture; saved, sanctified Sister A and Holy,Tongue-Talking, demon-slaying Brother B are in an altar-bound relationship. Sister A invites Brother B to her apartment to "hang-out". Sis A makes a mean plate of Mac and Cheese for Brother B. Brother B eats and his soul is glad. Next, he says he needs to rest and lays down on the bed. Sister A, being the dutiful girlfriend that she is, decides to help her booboo rest well. She turns down the lights and puts a Trey Songz or Elton John CD on repeat, then cuddles next to Brother B. Well, nothing wrong has taken place yet. But, COM'ON!!!!, that's a recipe for disaster. Soon he's going to start feeling very cuddly and then a cuddle becomes a full-on makeout session which then leads on to u-know-what.
Sisters, i don't care how spiritual that brother sounds when he's preaching, i don't care how many scriptures he knows by heart, i don't care how many demons he has trampled physically; a man is a man at the end of the day. That's how he is wired. You can't dangle the meat in front of him and then expect him not to be moved. I mean, seriously...?
And brothers, any sister, no matter how saved, sanctified and purified she might be, just needs the right amount of attention + the right words in the right places at all the right times and voila!...she's putty in your arms.
Let me wrap this up. I said all of that to say this. Engaging in sexually immoral behaviour is sooooo easy. I mean, we are human. We are wired to want that kind of intimacy. Saying no to that kind of intimacy until the time is right is where the work is. We have to go against the cravings of our flesh. We have to constantly guard our hearts and eyes and ears and minds...everything. Because everything around us screams SEX and seems to taunt us into trying it out.
Saying no to Pre-marital sex is NEVER NEVER easy but i can guarantee you, it is SOOOOOOO WORTH IT, both for your present and your future. The magic word is "FLEE".
Love you all!!!!

Thursday 1 September 2011

OUR BEAUTY IN YOUR EYES

Saw a post on the wall of a Facebook friend and I was really moved by it. The post was addressed to brothers in Christ. It was a plea to them to treat us sisters as Christ treats the church. It was a plea to them to look at us carefully and appreciate our beauty; the kind that endures.
I feel this message came at an appropriate time when the pressure on young women to look "Right" is so intense.
The world's description of beauty is a waif-like, anorexic-looking woman whose every action oozes seduction and who almost never leaves any of her feminine goodies hidden, baring it for the ogling pleasure of every Tom, Dick, John, James, Peter and Harry.
Realistically speaking, few women have that 'look' and aura naturally. This means most women are driven to desperate points just to acheive this 'unreal' look.
Its even more disheartening that in the church today, young men expect young women to look no different than the women of the world. And before you jump to their defence saying that rarely ever do brothers-in-Christ verbally ask their sisters in Christ to dress seductively or to have that waif-like appearance, consider this next paragraph.
Most men are attracted by what they see. Thats a fact. I am so not disputing that. Most men see a very attractive young woman and will instantly like what they see regardless of what her character is.
Women are naturally wired to want to be noticed and appreciated and cared for and all that (you know what i mean...). When the modestly-dressed woman realises that her more provocatively dressed counterpart gets more attention, she automatically starts trying to do what the other lady is doing to get as much attention. She starts eating less, exercising obsessively, taking diet-pills, binge-eating and purging and engaging in all kinds of potentially dangerous eating habits in a bid to loose weight. Her hem-line starts moving northwards, her tops get tighter, her v-necks plunge a little more, off goes the inner wears and boob-tubes worn for modesty sakes, the make-up becomes more mask-like and slowly but surely her focus shifts from her inward beauty to her outward beauty...all for one reason...SHE WANTS TO BE APPRECIATED.
What is the import of all these; Brothers, we all know you are wired to be drawn to physically attractive things, but we implore you to try to be more selective and more thorough. After the beauty draws you in, consider the character, the inner beauty that counts. Men complain that there are no good women left, but if we consider things critically, this lack of good women can be traced straight to men paying more attention to physical beauty than to the beauty that really counts- the one found in the heart.
If we were sure that men appreciate our good character, meekness, submission and Christlike qualities, we would pay more attention to these things. But since men have told us (by way of their actions) that they are more concerned with how we look, we automatically place caring for our physical beauty higher on our priority list.
Come to think of it, although this plea to our brothers is seemingly for our benefit, they are also getting a pretty good deal. I mean, we are encouraging you to go after real solid gold and not just some glittery gold-dust. Afterall, physical beauty will ALWAYS fade (no matter how many lifts and tucks and botox injections...you get my drift). But a beautiful character only gets better with time.
And before some super-saved sister jumps on my throat screaming "YES, i TOLD Y"ALL!!", let me state categorically that in NO WAY whatsoever am i a propenent of dowdiness as a symbol of purity. I mean, i am almost repelled when i see a 'sister' looking so unkempt and dirty all in a bid to seem 'holy'. Pardon me, but i dont think God can stand dirtiness. How can I be so sure? Check out the Book of Revelation in the Bible. Read through it and see how Heaven is described. You see words like 'crystal clear', 'sparkling' and the like. And we all will agree that nowhere in there is there a hint of dirtiness or tolerance for dirtiness. My Point; you can be modest and decent and all that and still dress in a really cool and attractive way. I wont propose any particular kind of clothing that can be considered appropriate. I would however suggest that when we dress, we should ask ourselves these questions and answer them honestly;
1. Why am I weariing this? To attract male attention, to look good or for the purpose of covering my nakedness?
2. What effect does my appearance have on a normal war-blooded male? We all know the effect we have on men, don't we?
3. Will Christ be proud to walk alongside you in that attire?

Now, i know i have diverted from the original line of thought of this my little write-up (something i do a lot...smh), so i need to wrap things up before i put you to sleep.
The main thought i want you to leave with is this; Brothers, do try to focus more on our inner beauty than on our bust-waist-hip ratio, and Sisters, even when it seem you dont get enough attention for your sterling inner qualities, don't be discouraged.
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Monday 29 August 2011

STRINGS FROM MY HEART

So, here I am, actually blogging for the first time. It is something I had always wanted to do but somehow never got around to.
First off, my name is Darhmie and the most important thing you can ever get to find out about me is that i am a God-Chaser. That is, I seek to live my life for Him alone. Does this mean I am flawless and perfect and so prim and proper? HECK NO! What it means is that I battle my flesh continually. I know what my flesh wants and I know I can't fight it off on my own. In comes the Holy Spirit, my very own Best Friend and Personal Helper. He is so indispensible. I am sure you will get to know more about Him later on through this blog. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour, the very reason for every breath I draw. He is the Eternal Lover of my Soul. I love HIM so completely.
Most of what this blog will be centered on are musings from my heart. I often have an opinion on most issues and I just love to be able to put it down in coherent, chronological sentences.
I think my blog will be entertaining or let me rephrase, I hope it will be.
Look forward to sharing with you, a few Strings From My Heart.