Thursday, 1 September 2011


Saw a post on the wall of a Facebook friend and I was really moved by it. The post was addressed to brothers in Christ. It was a plea to them to treat us sisters as Christ treats the church. It was a plea to them to look at us carefully and appreciate our beauty; the kind that endures.
I feel this message came at an appropriate time when the pressure on young women to look "Right" is so intense.
The world's description of beauty is a waif-like, anorexic-looking woman whose every action oozes seduction and who almost never leaves any of her feminine goodies hidden, baring it for the ogling pleasure of every Tom, Dick, John, James, Peter and Harry.
Realistically speaking, few women have that 'look' and aura naturally. This means most women are driven to desperate points just to acheive this 'unreal' look.
Its even more disheartening that in the church today, young men expect young women to look no different than the women of the world. And before you jump to their defence saying that rarely ever do brothers-in-Christ verbally ask their sisters in Christ to dress seductively or to have that waif-like appearance, consider this next paragraph.
Most men are attracted by what they see. Thats a fact. I am so not disputing that. Most men see a very attractive young woman and will instantly like what they see regardless of what her character is.
Women are naturally wired to want to be noticed and appreciated and cared for and all that (you know what i mean...). When the modestly-dressed woman realises that her more provocatively dressed counterpart gets more attention, she automatically starts trying to do what the other lady is doing to get as much attention. She starts eating less, exercising obsessively, taking diet-pills, binge-eating and purging and engaging in all kinds of potentially dangerous eating habits in a bid to loose weight. Her hem-line starts moving northwards, her tops get tighter, her v-necks plunge a little more, off goes the inner wears and boob-tubes worn for modesty sakes, the make-up becomes more mask-like and slowly but surely her focus shifts from her inward beauty to her outward beauty...all for one reason...SHE WANTS TO BE APPRECIATED.
What is the import of all these; Brothers, we all know you are wired to be drawn to physically attractive things, but we implore you to try to be more selective and more thorough. After the beauty draws you in, consider the character, the inner beauty that counts. Men complain that there are no good women left, but if we consider things critically, this lack of good women can be traced straight to men paying more attention to physical beauty than to the beauty that really counts- the one found in the heart.
If we were sure that men appreciate our good character, meekness, submission and Christlike qualities, we would pay more attention to these things. But since men have told us (by way of their actions) that they are more concerned with how we look, we automatically place caring for our physical beauty higher on our priority list.
Come to think of it, although this plea to our brothers is seemingly for our benefit, they are also getting a pretty good deal. I mean, we are encouraging you to go after real solid gold and not just some glittery gold-dust. Afterall, physical beauty will ALWAYS fade (no matter how many lifts and tucks and botox get my drift). But a beautiful character only gets better with time.
And before some super-saved sister jumps on my throat screaming "YES, i TOLD Y"ALL!!", let me state categorically that in NO WAY whatsoever am i a propenent of dowdiness as a symbol of purity. I mean, i am almost repelled when i see a 'sister' looking so unkempt and dirty all in a bid to seem 'holy'. Pardon me, but i dont think God can stand dirtiness. How can I be so sure? Check out the Book of Revelation in the Bible. Read through it and see how Heaven is described. You see words like 'crystal clear', 'sparkling' and the like. And we all will agree that nowhere in there is there a hint of dirtiness or tolerance for dirtiness. My Point; you can be modest and decent and all that and still dress in a really cool and attractive way. I wont propose any particular kind of clothing that can be considered appropriate. I would however suggest that when we dress, we should ask ourselves these questions and answer them honestly;
1. Why am I weariing this? To attract male attention, to look good or for the purpose of covering my nakedness?
2. What effect does my appearance have on a normal war-blooded male? We all know the effect we have on men, don't we?
3. Will Christ be proud to walk alongside you in that attire?

Now, i know i have diverted from the original line of thought of this my little write-up (something i do a lot...smh), so i need to wrap things up before i put you to sleep.
The main thought i want you to leave with is this; Brothers, do try to focus more on our inner beauty than on our bust-waist-hip ratio, and Sisters, even when it seem you dont get enough attention for your sterling inner qualities, don't be discouraged.


  1. Some of us are actually attracted to the inner being, the true person in you. Looking physically attractive is good, but inner strength, inner personality, courage, peace, patience that's what truly lasts.

    Sweetheart, you talk the talk, but have you actually ever walked the walk? In fact can you actually walk it? Have you ever reached into someones very soul and rested on a person's heart and just felt at peace. Felt one with her (or his) soul. The day you feel this, know this emotion, that day you truly understand what it means to love someone without physical distractions. Have you ever said "talk to me" in that calm patient way knowing you truly want to share and are not just making conversation or "what's on your mind"? Have you ever cared about another's feelings, fears, dreams, desires like they were yours? Do you know what it truly means to "love" someone?

    Have you ever been with someone knowing the depth of how much you so wanted to share the entirety of their lives, the desires of another's soul and thought or said "tell me your dreams so they can be mine too", or "tell me your fears".... Do you know what it means to share a heart with another....Would you ask sincerely "can I share your dreams"?

    I'm sorry, I know I'm ranting on your blog, please forgive me. I've just been having a tough two weeks, and then I hear you talking and I can't help but say "there goes another Ms. Goody Two shoes talking the talk".


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  3. I thought I should also add. Proverbs 31:30. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain....". The world is full of vain concepts and fading appearances, but "who can find a worthy woman?" Do we even know what one is anymore?

    I see your picture and I say, it's probably so easy for her to say all these things, after-all look at her. But as you say all these things, I just so want to ask you, that brother you're thinking about, the one you've been talking to for the past few weeks (or months), will he still think you're so beautiful in 20 years time, will he still look at you first think in the morning and smile, will he still ask your opinion when he's deep in thought, or will he look beyond that wrapper and say "your eternal summer shall never fade"

  4. uuuuhhhmmmmmm....i see a lot of hurt in ur comments. First off, i think u got awfully personal with ur comments almost to the point of sounding accusatory. But i have decided to chalk it up as u expressing ur personal opinions as u obviously dont know me.
    Secondly, m not just a Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes who talks the talk. I have actually walked the walk and i walked it so seriously but i got burned so badly for it. It really hurt but does that mean i wont try again? NO! i believe all things happen for a reason and that me getting hurt at that time was the best thing that could have happened to me, however unpleasant d experience was.
    And as regards the fact that i look good, i sincerely appreciate God and thank Him for it. But sometyms, people dont understand that it can be a burden. An insane percentage of men who come up to me do so just cos i look good and seem barely interested in who i really am. One simple test i carry out on men is this, i ask them to list 10 things about me that they love. Those lists tell me so much about what really is on their mind. So, Mr M1, i hope u will try to open ur heart and see things from another perspective. U can always inbox me at
    Have a lovely day.