Monday, 15 July 2013


Hi there…how was your weekend?
Restful, I hope.
So I was doing a little thinking today and I decide to put my thoughts down in a post.
Now ladies, remember when you first hit puberty and your breasts began to develop. I am certain a lot of us went through that phase when our budding breasts were so tender and painful. For some of us, the pain was to the point where you couldn’t make any sudden movements like jumping down form your bunker bed or engaging in sporting activities. However, after a while, the tenderness and pain subsided and now we have these beautiful mounds on our chests.
My point…Growth is sometimes or most times, painful. It is definitely not the most convenient of phases. But with growth comes increase and new levels. This applies to our lives as individuals also.
Like in Biology, in real-life growth has catalysts and inhibitors. Chief among them are people. We can classify every person we have a relationship with (regardless of what type of relationship it is) into two broad categories; Friends and Foes.
Interestingly, most times we mis-classify the people in our lives. Those who should be friends are classified as foes and those who should be foes are seen as friends.
One major deciding factor that I use in classifying the individuals in my life into these categories is how they affect my growth. For those who hinder me, they are foes and those who encourage or help me grow, they are friends.
The interesting thing however is that the actions that usually lead to growth are not comfortable or palatable experiences. Your father who wouldn’t let you play football until you were done with your assignment; your mother who will not allow you eat too many sweets; your teacher who caned you whenever you failed a test; that roommate who is always advising you to party less and study more; that friend who constantly asks you why you allow your boyfriend treat you like trash; that friend who tries to discourage you from smoking cannabis; your pastor who seems to preach at you every Sunday; that cousin that told you to move out of her house cos you were free-loading shamelessly….The list is endless.
Funny enough, these are the people that annoy us. We feel they are intruding into or trying to stop us from enjoying our lives. Whereas they are the one who are trying to make us into better, stronger people. Your dad wanted you to have good grades. Your mum wanted you to be a healthy child.  Your teacher wanted you to be smarter. Your roommate wanted you to have a marketable University degree. Your friend wanted you to be in a better relationship. Your friend wanted you to retain your sanity. Your pastor wanted you to turn away from your sins. Your cousin wanted you to learn responsibility. These are the people I consider to be my friends. It is so easy for us to dislike these people because what they are doing is not palatable to us now, although in the long-run we become better for it. Our myopic nature doesn’t allow us see beyond the here and now.
This same myopic nature doesn’t allow us understand that those who encourage our careless and flippant behaviours are merely hastening us down a destructive path. It’s easy to love the friend that parties with you every weekend over the one who cautions you to slow your roll. It’s easy to love the people who tell us what we want to hear instead of what we need to hear. Those people who sweet-talk us constantly are the real foes.
I would rather have a friend who tells me the bitter truth than one who has never found anything worthy of correction in me. There are some people I have kept as friends for so many years now and the simple reason is that they tell me the bitter truth when I need to hear it.
There is an adage in the South-Western part of Nigeria that says that if two siblings enter into a room to have a discussion and they both come out smiling, they didn’t speak the truth to themselves.
I personally don’t like people who lie to me all in the name of not offending me. Please tell me the truth. Mind you, make sure you are not rude cos I won’t tolerate that…Lol
But the crux of this matter is this; do a re-evaluation of those you call friend and those you call foe. Ask yourself, who is pushing you towards growth, increase and positive actions and who is encouraging you down a destructive path.
I hope this helps somebody today.
Remain blessed.
Lotsa love.
TWITTER: @darhmielawlar


  1. I am constantly overwhelmed by your dexterity, creativity and simplicity when it comes to communicating wisdom, counsel and deep thoughts. You are indeed God's reserve for such a time as this, I commend you greatly and I encourage you to continue to inspire and motivate us.... hope this makes me a friend and not foe (lol)

  2. you are truly right. The people who actually mode us into responsible people are those who can look us straight in the eye and tell us the bitter truth.
    These are the real people we need in our lives,not sycophants that will hail a person into self destruction.
    Funny enough they are likely to be loathed even by us in the beginning, but when the sweet after taste of the bitter truth hits us, then we learn to appreciate them.
    People need a humble heart to appreciate those who constructively criticize or correct them. they are heaven sent. Well done baby girl

  3. Thank you Babs.

    And thank you too, Anon 22:16

    I appreciate your kind words.